Learning to Gaze

If you had one thing to ask of God, what would it be? It is always difficult asking a question like that because there can often be two answers. There is the actual answer, and then there is the answer we know we ought to give. There can create tension within the answerer—they know (or think they know) what the right answer should be, and though they don’t feel it in their heart, they still may feel compelled to answer the question one way rather than the other.

David answered this question this way: “One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.” (Psalm 27:4)

Is that what you would have answered? Again, this is a difficult question to ask among “church people” because if I’m quoting from the Psalms, then the “correct” answer has to be yes in this circumstance. But I think if we’re honest—and actually, at this point I’ll talk concerning myself—if I’m honest, I have not always felt that way, and I have talked with many people, who would not answer the way David does. “Dwelling in the house of the Lord all the days of my life” does not sound appealing to a lot of people; they don’t even really like a few hours in church. How could they be expected to desire being in church for their entire life?

I have a friend about my age who is not religious but we often talk about various things including religion from time to time. This is a hang up for him: he went to church in his youth, and sitting and singing and listening for a few hours is not what he considers a good time. On top of that he has some other experiences associated with church that leave him not really wanting to go back in his adulthood.

I know I’ve felt similar ways about church in the past, too. When I was young, church was the last place I wanted to be. I did not like sitting and listening to sermons. I did not like dressing up in uncomfortable clothes. I did not like having my usual routine interrupted. I did not like that I couldn’t do whatever I wanted in that moment.

There is a line in the novel Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain that I contend is one of the funniest sentences ever put to pen. In the book there are two young boys, Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer, who are presumed dead by the town, and they end up watching their own funerals. They watch as the adults have these heartfelt emotions concerning the loss of these two boys, and then someone begins singing: “And the minute the words were out of his mouth somebody over in the crowd struck up the doxolojer, and everybody joined in with all their might, and it just warmed you up and made you feel as good as church letting out.” I love this line, because in this moment of profound beauty, Huckleberry Finn can find no greater way to express this feeling of euphoria he feels than the feeling of “church letting out.” And perhaps I find it funny because I know that feeling, the idea that being “let out” of church is when I felt good, and not the other way around.

So, what are we to do with this conundrum? How do we solve the problem with the answer that we know is right, and the answer we may feel is right? How do we bridge the gap between not really being all that crazy about church, and desiring to dwell in the house of the Lord all our days?

One answer, at least, is found within the Psalm itself. Notice what David wants to do within the house of the Lord: “to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.” David wants to bask in the presence and beauty of the Lord, and to learn from the Lord, and there is no place better to do so than in the Lord’s dwelling place.

We should go to church to gaze upon the beauty of God. Have you ever thought about church that way? I really like the word “gaze” here because it implies a lot about how we should orient ourselves toward God. Gazing is an act that takes time. You can’t gaze quickly. It also implies that the object you’re gazing at has your entire rapt attention. In our fast moving world, with all its distractions and things vying for our attention, we may feel we don’t have the time to gaze; we always have to be moving, doing something, being entertained by the next bright shiny thing. However, when our orientation, our gaze, is placed upon God, perhaps we will find over time that we desire him more and more. The altering of our gaze can be accomplished through our prayers, our songs, our fellowship with one another. But if those things are just things we do until we can leave, we’re not really gazing at God at all, but something else. If we can slow down, and as we gather together as a church, realize what we do is a way in which we can gaze upon the beauty of God, we may find that we long for the things we do together as a church rather than just tolerate them.

For those of us who do not have this problem with church, who have always desired to dwell in the house of the Lord, there is something to keep in mind here, too. The house of the Lord is to be a place where people can come and gaze upon and inquire of the Lord. As the church, we are the house of the Lord. When people come into our midst, our actions toward them should reflect the beauty of the Lord. If we are not living out God’s love within the church, how can the visitor even begin to gaze upon the Lord? Knowing there are people like my friend who dread going to church, we ought to do all we can to help them see the beauty of the Lord through our understanding, kindness, and love.

There is not some “instant fix” that will suddenly make us desire the house of the Lord. But if we can slow down, and fix our gaze upon the beauty of the Lord, perhaps over time we will find that the “letting out of church” has stopped being the part we look forward to, and we can honestly say along with David that we desire to dwell in the house of the Lord all of the days of our life.