Carl Witty
02/06/17
Jesus was a master at friendship. He did not condescend to His disciples; He called them friends. In John 15:11-15 Jesus spoke to His friends, the twelve disciples, and revealed the basis of their (and our) friendship with Him: “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are my friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from my Father I have made known to you.”
We begin early to know the value of friends. At a children’s camp, a little boy heard for the first time about the “buddy system”. When he asked what it meant, his little friend said, “A buddy is someone who drowns with you.” Gangs and bars/lounges flourish because people have a hunger for acceptance and close associates in whom they can confide. A place “where everybody knows your name” is appealing to most people.
The Bible has many references to friends – sometimes focusing on bad relationships. Job’s three friends probably meant well but helped little. David’s son, Ammon, had a friend, Jonadab, who gave him bad advice that ultimately led to his death at the hand of his own brother (2 Samuel 13:5-33). The pressure from Herod’s friends caused Herod to keep a foolish vow and to behead John the Baptist (Matthew 14:1-12). The story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 reveals that after a period of “prodigal living” (“riotous” KJV), the prodigal began to be in want and no one gave him anything. His friends lasted as long as his money lasted! Jesus Himself was betrayed by His “own familiar friend in whom He had trusted”, who “ate His bread”, then “lifted up his heel” against Him (Psalms 41:9). The Proverb writer warns that “a perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends” (Proverbs 16:28). Paul advises that we: “be not deceived: evil company corrupts good habits” (1 Corinthians 15:33). With all of these warnings, do we even dare to cultivate friendships?
The answer is yes! The Bible reveals the basic principles that will promote rewarding friendships, and gives us abundant examples of the power of friendship to make our lives better. I will note three of these principles:
1. “Avoid isolation” – Realize that cultivating true friendships require time and setting priorities. That principle is shown in Proverbs 18:24: “A man who has friends must show himself friendly.” The man or woman who wears a frown and doesn’t speak to others may wonder why others seem so cold and unfriendly! We can easily develop an attitude towards others that may be reflected in their attitude toward us. To have friends we must extend friendship to others. Emerson wrote: “We take care of our health; we lay up money; we make our roof tight and our clothing sufficient. But who provides wisely that he shall not be wanting in the best property of all …. friends?” Sir William Osler wrote: “A man starts to grow old when he stops making new friends.” Dr. Samuel Johnson said: “If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man should keep his friendships in constant repair.” We have an opportunity at Gooch Lane to have rich and rewarding friendships with those who share our faith.
2. “Build more windows and fewer walls” – Two passages seem to me to advocate our need for self-disclosure. James 5:16 – “confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” Such prayer is good for us, and prevails with God. This command regarding our prayers is placed within a powerful context: the elders of the church (verse 14), the Lord Himself (verse 15), and the example of Elijah’s earnest prayer that affected Israel’s weather pattern for over three years (verses 17,18). A second passage, rich in meaning, is Proverbs 27:17 – “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” Everyone needs at least one friend to whom he can tell everything. Such a prospect frightens many people. They dread “opening up” and fear that others may betray them or not like them when they really know them. The opposite is true. Openness draws others to us, secretiveness keeps others at a distance.
3. “Express your feelings and affection for others” – Our upbringing or past hurts may make us reluctant to express our feelings. But there is a place for putting feelings into words. Perhaps the proverb writer was reflecting this sentiment when he wrote “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” To speak words that are “fitly spoken” is the challenge in this beautiful verse. Some commentators on this verse tell of an ancient custom where a wealthy host, following a sumptuous meal, would pass around a silver tray on which tiny gold nuggets, carved into the shape of apples, were offered to each guest. What a dessert! Words of affection and friendship are precious indeed.
Our most wonderful and precious friendship is with Jesus. The promise to the disciples (John 15) is also ours. What a friend we have in Jesus! James G. Small expressed the joy of having Jesus as our friend in his song:
I’ve Found a Friend
I’ve found a Friend, oh, such a friend!
He loved me ere I knew Him;
He drew me with the cords of love,
And thus He bound me to Him.
And round my heart still closely twine
Those ties which naught can sever,
For I am His, and He is mine,
Forever and forever